


Only just now figuring it out

by Stormlyht



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-15 20:32:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormlyht/pseuds/Stormlyht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2014!Cas deflowering his angel self </p><p>Written for this prompt, for someone who keeps my mind working on smut as often as she can.  :P  This is during the episode "The End", Season 5, Episode 4.  Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Castiel had done many things over his time being a human. Some he liked, some he didn’t, some he didn’t give two figs about. Lying in his bed while old Dean was sleeping in the room of current Dean thinking about both of them and their differences was one of those things he hadn’t thought he would do. Old Dean was from a time when Castiel knew who he was, knew what he was doing, and where he was going. Old Dean was the Dean that remembered Castiel as an angel, remembered what he had been, and still expected such things from him now.

Old Dean was fucking hot. It hadn’t taken that man more than two minutes in Castiel’s presence for Cas to realize that he had a thing for Dean. Something he hadn’t really realized before because he had been going through so many personal things that the realization that Dean was hot as fuck and everything Cas wanted in his bed, simply hadn’t floated into his head. Now it had. What the hell was Cas supposed to do about that?

In these dark times Cas had fucked, been fucked, been part of orgy’s, been high as a kite (daily occurrence now), learned to swear, learned to kill with guns and learned to kiss with his tongue. There were other things as well, but as his hand snaked down his body and started pinching his nipples, he considered the fact that he had never masturbated to the thought of Dean. Never. He’d never had anything inside his ass either, although he’d been inside other’s asses.

Asses. Dean had a nice one of those, and as Cas recalled images of such things it made his dick twitch. Tight pants, closed quarters, there was even the few times Dean and Cas had shared a bathing facility, or been in charge of tending each other’s wounds. Cas had seen almost every bit of Dean there was to see, just not intimately, and now Cas wanted to see it intimately. He wanted to touch that body, to kiss it, and worship it like he used to worship God.

It wasn’t a far stretch to say that now, here, in this time, Dean was the actual embodiment of God. He was leading the strongest band of survivors and was doing his best to keep everyone together, to keep everyone moving. That strength of character and that strong determination was what set Dean apart, and if he used women to calm the storm of emotions that lay just under the surface of Dean’s skin, then Cas certainly wasn’t one to complain. He liked seeing Dean take charge, even knowing that one day Dean would lead him into a battle Cas wouldn’t survive. What was he living for anyway? He’d lived for God, God had failed him, now he lived for Dean. The same service he’d always placed in God’s hands he had willingly placed into Dean’s, and although they weren’t the same kind of close they had been, Cas knew that Dean respected the trust that Cas gave him.

He respected it, and these days sometimes Dean even appreciated it. Sometimes he didn’t. Cas hissed in a breath, teasing a nipple still as his other hand threaded into his pubic hair. There was sensation there that Cas hadn’t explored until being human. Tugging at the hair and feeling that pain go straight to his dick, Cas smiled and wondered what Dean thought about when he did this? Was it girls? Was it someone else? Chuck maybe or even Cas himself? Had Dean found himself wanting Cas like Cas now wanted Dean? Tugging harder, pulling a few hairs out as he did so, Cas pulled his legs up and tucked them under. He wanted to touch his ass, wanted to feel what it was like to place something inside of it.

Cas had plenty of lube, it was one of those things that had been easy to salvage from the stores, not a single Croat was interested in having sex, and over half the survivors weren’t either. It simply wasn’t the sort of thing they wanted. Grabbing his own personal favorite, he popped the top and squeezed some onto his fingers. There were two ways he could reach his ass, over or under, and he figured he’d try under first.

Lifting his ass up a bit, he slipped his well lubed hand under his ass and touched his hole. It had been licked before, but never penetrated, so he knew how good touching it felt. Spreading the lube over his hole he circled it a few times to get it properly wet. Squeezing the hole closed, then trying to relax it, he could actually feel how the action moved the skin and muscles under his finger. It was a singularly fascinating experience, and one he hoped he got to play with more as time went on. Tonight however, he was pressing a finger in.

Oh, that hurt! Gasping, Cas licked his lips and took several deep breaths. Maybe it was too fast? He knew that this action felt good for others, otherwise they would never repeat it, so he had to be careful. It might also have been related to the fact that he’d clenched up when the finger had slipped in. He was still clenched, and he relaxed around it. Yeah, that was better. Cas twisted to push the finger in further, and that felt better.

“Dean,” he whispered, closing his eyes and trying to imagine Dean was there.

‘Yeah Cas?’ Dream Dean asked, and Cas could see him near, watching him, green eyes traveling down his body. ‘You’re going to stretch that wide open, aren’t you?’

“Yeah,” Cas agreed, pulling the finger out a bit and pressing it in again. He had to stretch himself, had to make sure he was ready for more. The pain faded as pleasure increased. Yes, this was what Cas was expecting. Bringing another finger over, he pressed that in as well.

‘I’m watching you Cas,’ Dean said, and Cas groaned. ‘Stretch that pretty little hole, make it wide enough for me.’

Suddenly, in Cas’ mind, Dean was naked, and leaning over the edge of the bed, eyes fixed on Cas’ dick and hole. That made Cas hotter, and he could almost feel Dean’s breath, hot on his dick. “Dean,” he groaned again. “Feels good.” He’d learned as time had gone on, and he’d had more sexual experiences, that many people liked to hear encouragement, as though the sheer act of pleasuring each other wasn’t enough, or didn’t actually mean they were getting pleasure unless there were words to back it up. Which in Cas’ opinion was silly, but like he’d learned how to eat, shit and bathe, he’d learned how to fuck, and talking seemed to be part of that.

‘Of course it feels good, you’re doing this for me. What a pretty ass you have Cas. I can’t wait to press inside and come in your ass.’

If Cas was fully honest with himself, he even liked the dirty talk, the way the words were so guttural, so filthy. He spread his legs as wide as he could while leaning on one arm but he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to do this, his arm and wrist were burning. Deciding to raise the bar, he added a third finger and felt that same burn descending into white hot sparks of pleasure.

Oh, yeah. “Dean!” Cas cried, pressing deeper, trying to touch that bit inside that had felt so good. “Dean!” He liked that, and he found it again. His ass squeezed around his fingers, his wrist pumped his hand in and out, harder, faster, always trying to hit that spot, and to the tune of Dean encouraging him, he clenched and screamed out as he came.

Relaxing on the bed, breathing hard, he tried not to think of how sad it was he wouldn’t be able to share this experience with Dean. Cas allowed his fingers to slip out of himself, and he stretched his legs out so they wouldn’t cramp. “Dean,” he whispered, and he could already feel the tell tale signs that he was going to do that thing he hated to do because it rarely ever helped matters.

He was going to cry, and he hated that. “Cas?” a voice said from the direction of the beaded curtain. Cas’ eyes snapped open and he saw Dean, old Dean, walking into the room. “You okay?”

“Oh,” Cas breathed, not sure if this was luck or sheer embarrassment. Dean was walking into the sex scented room, eyes fixed on naked Castiel, and he didn’t seem interested in looking away. What the hell did that mean?


	2. Into Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where the last left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is raw and messy and unedited in the extreme. I have 3 weeks where I won't be able to do smut (most likely) starting tomorrow, so I'm pounding this out and putting it up and maybe will edit it later. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

Dean couldn’t sleep, being stuffed in a cot in the same room as himself of all things, and he felt the need to get out for some air. Standing up he slipped out of the room, and almost made it out of the cabin before Dean, his other self, had a gun pointed at him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Dean asked, and Dean considered it incredibly difficult to think of himself talking to himself and it tangled up in his mind in a way that made a headache start forming behind his eyes.

“I need to go for a walk,” he said, trying not to think of him as Dean, because that was incredibly weird.

“No,” the other Dean said, sitting up fully and frowning. “You’ll just get into trouble.”

“Fine, I’m going to visit Cas,” Dean decided last minute, and the other Dean continued to frown at him for a time before the gun lowered. He could shorten the idea to TOD to make it easier. Or just, Tod. Yes, the other Dean was Tod, Dean could get behind that idea.

“Why do you want to visit Cas? He’s damaged, you can’t help him,” Tod said, and Dean shrugged.

“I need some fresh air, it stinks like me in here,” Dean said, grinning over at Tod. Didn’t Tod ever laugh anymore? What all had happened that had made life so horrible and wretched that he didn’t smile or crack a joke? All business, Dean wasn’t like that.

“Fine, but use your time wisely, we’ll be on the move soon enough.” Then Tod was back in his cot, closing his eyes like he was already asleep.

Dean knew better, and walking out of the cabin he realized that he liked knowing he wouldn’t be this man. He’d do something different, somehow, he’d do something different. Tod was the Dean of the future, who had lost everything, his brother, the angels that had backed up Dean’s side of the Apocalypse, and apparently something about Cas had been lost as well. Tod couldn’t sleep, because he was thinking in strategy, trying to decide what best to do, how to get through the fight without losing too much, how to kill the Devil. Dean knew that, because he *was* that. When he had been younger, and things had been a lot less complicated, he’d been able to sleep like a baby at night, but now he was often wide awake, lying in darkness and silence and trying so hard to figure out the “right” way to do the things that needed done. Never mind whatever he thought up never worked exactly, if it worked at all, the fact was he tried. It was all Dean knew how to do, try, and apparently Tod was the same way.

Walking over to Cas’ cabin, he paused for a moment as he heard moaning coming from inside. Was Cas with someone, or someone’s? No, he was whispering, and Dean couldn’t quite hear what he was whispering, so he snuck closer and stayed very still. Cas should still be able to feel his presence, but maybe he was too busy to care?

“Dean,” Cas groaned, and Dean started, eyes widening. Was Cas… well he wasn’t with Tod, and he wasn’t with Dean so… he peered around to look inside and what he saw made him swallow his heart.

Cas was spread open, fingers dipping inside his ass, eyes closed, dick hard and twitching against his belly. His hand was moving fast, moving wildly as they stretched his hole open and Dean felt his dick respond to the images he was seeing. Cas was beautiful, and even though he hadn’t really thought of Cas in this way before, now he certainly did. What did he do with the information though? Did he walk away? Did he do that thing he never should do with an angel? What would sex with an angel really feel like?

Then Cas was crying out, “Dean!” and coming, dick spurting across his body in thick strands that looked incredibly sexy. Dean wanted to touch that, to taste it, could feel his mouth watering as he stared.

As Cas relaxed, Dean pulled aside the beaded curtain and started walking in. Cas’ legs relaxed and extended out, and Cas whispered Dean’s name again. Licking his lips uncertainly, Dean said, “Cas? You okay?”

Cas’ eyes snapped open, and Dean could see moisture in them. Was Cas crying? Did Cas cry? “Oh,” he whispered, watching as Dean took another step closer. His face flushed and Dean could see his heart was pounding hard against the pale lines of Cas’ body.

There were scars here, many scars across Cas’ chest, more then Dean thought was normal. When had Cas started scarring? Was it recent? What had happened? “You seem a little…” What exactly did Dean say? You seem a little strung out? You seem a little in need of some extra hands? “Have you and Tod done… this before?” he finally asked, not sure what “this” exactly entailed. He should be horrified, or turned off, but the bulge in his pants testified that he wasn’t, and he felt like a fool for even asking.

Frowning at Dean, Cas said, “Tod?”

“Oh, um, “the other Dean”. I shortened it to make things a little easier for me.” Dean shrugged and Cas smirked, pulling a corner of the sheet over to begin wiping away at the lines of liquid on his stomach.

“Of course you did,” Cas said dryly, and Dean shrugged again, walking close enough to touch Cas’ face. Eyes still so bright they could take Dean’s breath away, but darker than Dean was used to seeing, looked up at him and flickered across his face. “No,” Cas finally admitted. “Tod… and I have never done this before.”

“Then… you’ve just had a crush on me or something?” Dean whispered the words, kneeling down on the ground so he was of a similar hight to Cas.

“No, this is new. I believe I have… liked you for some time, but I did not realize how much until now.”

“Until now? What changed?” Dean asked, stroking his hand down the full beard that Cas was sporting. When had Cas, no, why had Cas grown a beard?

“You,” Cas shrugged, finally letting go of the bed sheet and touching Dean’s shoulder. “You came, and reminded me of… well, everything. The things I had almost forgotten, the things I didn’t want to remember maybe. Happier times, times when I felt strong, as opposed to the times now that happen so much that make me feel weak.”

“So, me coming made you realize you liked me?” Dean asked, and he wondered if the Cas of his time liked him as well. That was… certainly confusing.

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Dean paused for just one moment to consider, then he leaned over and kissed Cas. It was a bumpy kiss because he’d lunged into it, but the initial clashing of teeth subsided into tongues wetly fighting each other for the best way to touch and lick and explore. Dean wanted in Cas’ mouth, but it seemed like Cas wanted in his, and there was a brief moment when Dean thought they’d choke on each other before an even slip in, slip out motion was figured out.

Dean fumbled with his jacket, pulling it off without breaking contact with Cas, which wasn’t easy but was worth it. Cas’ hands reached up to start undoing the buttons on his shirt, and soon enough all of his clothes were being shed, tossed on the ground and Dean was pressing Cas into the bed, hands exploring the expanse of skin made available to him.

It felt so good, to hear Cas moaning under him, to feel the warmth of another body, to press his dick against Cas’ skin and know that Cas liked it. It wasn’t difficult to imagine he liked Cas, or even wanted Cas, but he hadn’t really thought of it before now, so the desire hadn’t been born. Now it had, and he wanted it.

Cas ran hands down Dean’s back, squeezed his ass, and then he was turning Dean over, landing on top of Dean and broke away from the kiss to suck down Dean’s neck, chest, nip at a nipple. “Cas!” Dean gasped, body arching into Cas’ hands even as he pulled a little away from the pain. He wasn’t used to liking pain when he had sex, but that spark went right to his dick, filling it, making him want to flip Cas back over and press inside with wild abandon.

With a chuckle, Cas flicked the other nipple in time to his mouth sucking and biting until Dean was hot and needy. Then he moved down Dean’s body more, spreading Dean’s legs before wrapping his lips around Dean’s cock head.

“Cas,” Dean groaned, the warm mouth sucking on him delightfully making his head spin. “God Cas, that’s… amazing.”

“Mmm hmm,” Cas mumbled, taking Dean deeper, until his head was pressed against Dean’s flesh and his throat was swallowing around Dean’s cock.

“Fuck!” Dean gasped, hands grasping at the sheets, dick screaming for more. “Cas,” he looked down and saw mischievous eyes smiling up at him. “Damnit Cas, move, please…” he begged, and then Cas was, head lifting up, lips still tight against his skin, mouth sucking hard as he pulled off of Dean completely. “Noooo…” he moaned, and after licking his lips, Cas was back down, head bobbing up and down like a pro, sucking Dean down to the base, then up again. It was Heaven, in Dean’s opinion, and soon he couldn’t stand any more, and he was coming, eyes closing as he fell back on the bed, Cas drinking him down like he hadn’t had anything to drink in weeks.

When Cas moved up Dean’s body to lie in Dean’s arms, he said softly, “You’re quite beautiful, you know? I mean, Tod is too, but the two of you are different, even though you’re the same.”

“He’s not… um… he’s not really very happy anymore, is he?” Dean asked, and Cas shrugged.

“There’s not much to be happy about. This virus, it’s horrible, and effective. Nothing but death awaits anyone who gets too close to it.” Cas looked up at Dean. “You’re different though. You remember what it’s like to hope.”

“I haven’t lost hope,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Have you?”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean shoulder. “Yes. I suppose, in a lot of ways I have. I have trust though. Trust that you… no, that Tod, will somehow manage to pull this off. I suppose in a way, that’s a form of hope.”

“I’m going to make things different somehow, okay Cas?” Dean stressed, turning on his side to pull Cas close. “I mean it, this won’t happen like this.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Cas said, and there was a sadness to him that Dean couldn’t understand.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Cas shook his head.

“Dean, I want you to fuck me,” Cas said, reaching down to touch Dean’s dick again. “I’m stretched and ready, wet as a woman yet tighter. Tonight, in this moment, I want you to have everything that I can give you.”

“You sure Cas?” Dean asked, the words somehow going right down to wrap around his dick and make it twitch in anticipation. “I mean…”

“I’m sure. This is something I don’t want to forget.” Then Cas moved to his back and he spread his legs. “If you’d like to double check me, to make sure I’m ready, you can.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, reaching down, feeling that Cas was already hard again himself. “I want to make sure.”

His fingers probed at the hole, then he slipped one inside, watching as Cas arched off the bed, pressed down on Dean’s finger, moaned in excitement. Dean added a second, and marveled at how Cas took them, sucking the fingers inside like they were meant to be there. He didn’t need to wonder if Cas was ready, and the way his dick was throbbing again meant he was too.

Pulling his fingers out, he grabbed at the bottle of lube being offered to him and lathered himself up, looking down into blue pools of desire and smiling. “Okay Cas, here I come.” Cas reached down to pull his legs open and hold them up, ass tilting in the air to give Dean the best access. When he started pressing inside, he tried to go slow, but Cas was so ready that by the time he’d finished thinking he wanted to go slow, he was fully inside.

“Yes,” Cas hissed, letting go of his legs so they could wrap around Dean. “More, Dean move, I want you to.”

Always one to abide by intelligent ideas, Dean pulled out enough to press in again. Each thrust of his hips built up to a faster rhythm that ended in Dean pounding into Cas, leaning over the other man with his hands on either side of him and his mouth descending to attack Cas’ lips. He kissed with wild fervor as his hips moved, legs pressing into Cas, Cas’ hands around him, nails clawing at his skin. It was hot, and tight, and everything Cas had said it would be. For this moment in time, Cas was Dean’s, and he wouldn’t wish it to be any different in any way.

Moving one hand to wrap around Cas’ dick when he knew he was getting close, he felt Cas tighten up around him and he pulled away from the sloppy and wet kissing he’d been doing to gasp out, “Cas!” Then Cas was coming in his hand, and squeezing so tight Dean thought he might pass out, making him come as well, hard and deep inside Cas.

He lay on top of Cas panting after, not sure when sex had gone from fun to mind blowingly wonderful, but sure that it was all Cas’ fault somehow. Dean could hear Cas’ heart beating in his ear, and he loved that, loved the way it made his head move a little. When he fell asleep, it was to the sound of that heart, and the feeling of warm arms wrapped around him.


	3. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets Cas, the human version of himself that should not exist in this world at all and learns a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again messy. I wrote it, I have not even reread it, just am posting it. Snapp, you're welcome, I'm done. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

“You should not be here,” Castiel said to the man standing in front of him. “You are… what are you?”

“Human,” the man said, thick beard scruffy on his face, clothes tattered and worn, a gun in his hand, and blood trickling down his side. “That’s what I am.”

Even though he was human, he was still… or could be… or was in the future, Castiel. The blue eyes and features were hard to mistake, as was the aura inside that was so close to Castiel that it rang out to him, made him want to touch it. “You are not… me though. How did you arrive here?” Castiel asked, and the human Castiel shrugged.

“I ran away from my post to make sure Dean was fine. Your Dean, 2009’s Dean. My Dean, 2014’s Dean, left us all for dead so he could try to kill Lucifer. We were bait.”

“Dean would never do that,” Castiel said, shaking his head. “Not to family.”

“Have we ever really been family to him Cas?” his older self asked, shrugging. “Maybe. Perhaps I suppose. However, the future as it stands is not a good place to be.”

“How did you arrive in this time?” Castiel tried again, stressing the point he wanted to make.

“Oh, that? When I saw the angelic influence coming close, I reached out to touch Dean, and came with him. Then I pushed away as far as I could and hoped that you would find me and pull me close to you. You did, as I expected.” Cas smiled and Castiel shook his head.

“That was reckless. What if I hadn’t?”

“You did though, because you were curious. See, I know me.” Cas took a step closer to Castiel and he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Can I convince you to get me to a bath?”

*

Two hours later Cas was clean and in new clothes, healed because Castiel couldn’t imagine not doing just that. Castiel had offered to just clean him angelically, but Cas had said no, because he liked a good bath. He hadn’t bothered to get rid of the facial hair either, but he had trimmed it and combed his hair.

“You probably also want to know why I came back,” Cas said, and Castiel nodded.

“Of course I do,” Castiel said and he thought that should have been an obvious question.

“I would never be the same you see?” Cas said, turning to look at Castiel. “I am the you of a future that doesn’t exist anymore. I wasn’t sure I wanted to lose me just yet.”

“You cannot stay here, being human, in this world.” Castiel thought it was reckless and dangerous for Cas to think it would be acceptable.

“I know, or rather, I don’t care. I also had to tell you something.” He walked over to Castiel and brought one of Castiel’s hands up to his head. “You have to look into our memories Castiel, look into the past few days.”

“Why?” Castiel asked, and Cas held his gaze steadily.

“Because there are things you need to see.” Cas wouldn’t say anything more, and Castiel knew that, so he went ahead and slipped into his mind.

There was a brief shock as he was himself, not himself, having sex, getting high, no, seeing green eyes descending, feeling Dean inside himself, loving the feelings, knowing he loved Dean and… Castiel broke away and took a step back.

“What?” he growled, and Cas nodded.

“It might not happen yet, it might not happen ever, but I love him. I realized that after your Dean came to our world. It’s the most holy of emotions, one of the few we were allowed to have. You must understand it so you can act or not act according to your desire.”

“I don’t… there’s no way for me to act upon that,” Castiel gasped, and Cas smirked.

“Why do you think I wanted a bath?” he asked, reached out to pull the trench coat off of Castiel. “I plan on showing you exactly how to act, if you so desire.” Then there were lips on his and for a brief moment Castiel’s mind screamed at him.

‘You’re kissing yourself!’ it said, but when he stopped being so shocked and started realizing that it felt amazing, he leaned in and allowed the sensation to wash over himself.

The groan came without Castiel knowing it might, and his hands reached up to run over Cas’ shoulders. Kissing felt nice, when one leaned into it, when one opened their mouth and… yes, tongue, that was fantastic. Warm and wet, a slide, pull, twine like set of motions that left his chin a bit wet and his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. Backing away for a moment, Cas smirked at Castiel and wiped the spittle off of Castiel’s lip.

“Nice, right? I’m going to show you everything.” Hands were tugging off Castiel’s tie, then undoing buttons, and Castiel felt like he should be doing something, but he didn’t know what. Maybe… he reached for Cas’ clothes and ran his fingers over them, finally dismissing them with a thought. Cas gasped and looked up at Castiel. “That was… I’d forgotten about that. Well, it’s also fun to take clothes off of each other.”

Castiel blushed and looked down. “I…”

“Just relax, let me take care of everything.” Castiel tried to relax, but when Cas’ hands pulled off his shirt, then started untucking his undershirt, he shivered and reached up to touch Cas’ arms again.

“Allowing you to “take care of everything” is not in my general nature,” he said, frowning.

“I know,” Cas said, pulling the shirt over Castiel’s head so he had to let go of Cas’ arms. “Just try to bear with it.”

The pants came next, and the way the air hit his skin made Castiel hiss in a breath. He was unused to these sensations, unused to feeling all of these feelings, and knowing that Cas knew what he was doing didn’t make it any easier. When he was being pushed against the bed, Castiel allowed himself to fall into it, watching Cas with wide eyes, his heart beating uncomfortably in his chest.

“There you go Castiel,” Cas said, taking the pants, the underwear, shoes and socks off with practiced ease.

“You are a whore in the future, are you not?” Castiel finally asked, frowning at his older self.

Chuckling, Cas looked up. “And a drug addict,” he said with a shrug. “I have a field, no, I’m sorry, I *had* a field of marijuana growing out the back of my cabin, and I enjoyed the Divine in the flesh left behind to me.” He smiled. “It’s not a horrible existence, and one I find worked in such a time of strife. I’m not sure if I’m going to continue to do such things or try to come clean. I haven’t decided.”

Castiel could almost see himself thinking that over, could almost hear the gears working inside Cas’ brain to make a decision. It didn’t come to any conclusion though, and Cas was once again focused on Castiel. His hands ran up Castiel’s legs and parted them easily, one hand going to the not very hard dick and running his fingers up the side of it.

“You haven’t really discovered the pleasures of the flesh, have you?” Cas asked, and Castiel gasped in a breath, shaking his head.

“When would I have had time for such things?” he asked, and Cas nodded.

“Of course,” Cas said, leaning forward and licking the head of Castiel’s dick. The sensation sent a shiver through Castiel’s body and he gasped in a breath at the shock of it.

“Oh,” he whispered, swallowing reflexively. “That feels…” then he started to harden, and that was another strange sensation.

“Yeah,” Cas nodded, breathing on the wet flesh, making it colder, making it hotter. “I remember when all of this was new and fascinating. I kind of miss that actually.” There was a sadness in his voice, and Castiel lifted himself up on his elbows to look down at Cas.

“What?” he asked, voice husky.

“It’s just… the way things happened, that’s all. No, let’s not spoil this moment.” He licked down one side of Castiel’s dick, and although it should be horrible and wretched, somehow watching this older version of himself suck and lick his dick was excessively erotic. It was a form of sin surely, the way that beard tickled Castiel’s skin and the way the tip began to secrete some sort of fluid. Castiel knew all about this, all about the way the body worked, but he had never been *inside* a body that did this, or worked this way. He had never experienced these feelings and these sensations.

Truthfully, Castiel had never thought he would want to, and as the mouth made him wet and then wrapped fully around his head he fell back on the bed wondering *why* he had never wanted this. It felt incredibly, no wonder Dean did this all the time. The lips, the suction, the warmth and wetness, all of it was fantastic, and Castiel liked it. He liked it a lot more than he thought he ought to like it.

“Oh,” he moaned, as hands reached up his thighs and spread his legs apart more. A finger swirled around his hole and he gasped, clenching tight instinctively. The chuckle happened around his dick, which sent shiver shocks through it, the vibration delightful. Relaxing his body, he tried not to think, to just enjoy. If his older self wanted him to learn something about this, he would try to learn everything there was to learn, because if it was one thing Castiel tried to do more than anything else, it was listen to himself.

When Cas pulled off of his dick, he was hot and needy. Looking down, he saw Cas lick his lips and looked around. “Do you have any lube?” Cas asked, and Castiel frowned.

“What?”

“Lubrication, lets see, can you zing some KY Jelly, or Astroglide, or something like that?” Cas asked, and Castiel considered, letting his mind wander. Yes, there was some… then he pulled and the bottle popped into his hand. He offered it to Cas and Cas smiled. “That’s the stuff,” he said, opening it and letting some of it ooze into his hand. “Remember Castiel, there is no such thing as too much lube.” Then he pressed that finger against his hole and swirled it around.

“O… okay,” Castiel gasped. “I’ll remember.”

“You should probably carry some in your coat.” Then the finger was pressing inside of him and Castiel cried out. There was pain, but there was pleasure as well, and the combination of the two was a strange sort of mix that left him breathless. Slowly the finger pressed deeper, breaching inside to wiggle a little. It felt amazing.

“C-cas!” Castiel gasped, ass tightening around the finger, as though testing it for size and shape. He found his legs spreading further, and he wondered what he should do, surely he should do something?

“Yeah Castiel,” Cas said, nodding his head. “Yeah, that’s right. Enjoy that.” He pulled it out, then pushed back in, never fully leaving Castiel, but creating a friction that sent sparks across Castiel’s body. It wasn’t like a fire, it was like shocks of lightning touching his body in some places and moving on to others in a nonlinear path. His side went cold, then hot, his dick was needy and so hard it felt a touch painful, then there was a set of sparks in the pit of his abdomen, his body aching for more touch, more feelings, more, more, more. When Cas finally obliged and added a second finger, Castiel hadn’t thought the feelings could get more intense, and he had been wrong.

When the fingers left completely, Castiel cried out in indistinguishable mumbles his frustration, and opening his eyes he saw Cas smirking as he spread lube on his own dick. “That’s right Castiel,” he said softly. “I’m going to make you feel so good.” Then he began pressing in, filling the hole Cas’ fingers had left behind, the stretch much wider than the fingers had been, burning but so right that Castiel closed his eyes and gasped.

“Yes!” he said, the feelings and sensations overwhelming, but perfect. “Oh, Cas, yes!” Did it feel weird to call out his own name while making love? Perhaps, but that thought had vanished from his mind as Cas had skillfully unwound his sensibilities and made him a needy thing that simply wanted more. “Please,” he begged, his body ready to explode he thought. “I need…” something, anything, more, please and thank you. It was too much already, but Cas hadn’t stopped pushing inside of him and he didn’t know when he would.

“Yeah Castiel,” Cas whispered. “Now think of Dean. It’s Dean here, not me. His slightly pudgy body, hard muscles underneath, dick thick and long, smile bright as the sun and eyes the same hue as emeralds. Think of his smile, of his face when it lights up, looking right at you. I want you to remember what he has said to you, those times he knew you were important, those times he wanted you to be so. Do it now.”

So Castiel did, he thought of the sun shining in Dean’s hair, making it bright. He recalled the way the freckles dipped under his shirt, and the time he had watched Dean strip down, wondering how many freckles indeed Dean had. Too many to count, but Castiel felt better just knowing that they didn’t only appear on the skin exposed to massive amounts of sunlight. He thought of the smile, and the way Dean’s eyes sparkled when he was happy, the way the light glint off of them when he was angry, the fact that Dean had never, never, backed down, even when a part of him wanted to. A feeling settled in the pit of his stomach and rushed up through his body. Was that what Cas was saying? Was that the point he was trying to make?

Castiel hadn’t even realized that Cas was moving in and out of his body, so focused on the imagery of Dean that he’d been practically outside of himself. When he came back though, the feelings were real and overwhelming, the pull, push motions Cas was setting up driving his body towards a feeling he wasn’t sure what to do with. “Dean!” he gasped out, opening his eyes to look at Cas, feeling his body rocking into the bed as each hard thrust of Cas’ sent him further and further across the edge of it.

“That’s right,” Cas nodded. “Dean. This is what you want to do with Dean, you can feel the emotions now, can’t you? The desire, the want you didn’t understand before.”

“Yes!” Castiel said, and he felt his eyes flood with liquid, not sure he understood what that meant. “Yes, yes, I know, I feel something.”

“That’s love Cas,” Cas said, nodding, his hand wrapping around Castiel’s dick, making Castiel scream out as the physical sensations matching with the internal ones overwhelmed him completely and he screamed out, coming across Cas’ hand, eyes leaking from it all.

“Dean!” he cried, wishing Dean was here, not sure how to ask for that, not sure he should, but wanting to anyway.

Cas came inside Castiel, filling him up in a way that was fleeting, but so wonderful anyway. Castiel squeezed tight, pressing Cas as deeply into his body as he could, loving the fact that he could give this to himself.

When Cas pulled out, Castiel moaned in protest, but mainly because he didn’t want to move. The floating haze of happiness was fun to be on, and having been away from Heaven for as long as he had, he’d forgotten what that euphoric sense was like. Not that every trip to Heaven was like this feeling he had, but some of them were, all of them *could* be. Cas climbed onto the bed and ran a hand down Castiel’s cheek.

“You love him, and someday, maybe not soon, I don’t know how this future will play out, you will have to admit it to him, because otherwise you’ll lose out on a possibility that could change both Heaven and Earth. Castiel, God taught us that love, above all things, was the most powerful force in the planet. Please, please remember that. It might be the single most important fact you take from this experience.”

“I do,” Castiel breathed, opening his eyes and looking at Cas through the blurry haze of aftermath. “I care very deeply for Dean Winchester.”

“It was no mistake, you getting to Dean in Hell, you pulling him out, you being here with him. It was Divine Providence, and you are going to be better for it."

“I won’t forget,” Castiel nodded, closing his eyes again and relaxing on the bed.

“Good.”

For the first time ever, Castiel slept, and when he woke, Cas was gone.


	4. Back in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel comes to visit Cas, because apparently he can't talk to Dean. What's a Cas to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because so many people wanted more. I've written this in chunks because of the family being down, but since I've finished this... No smut this chapter, just talking and more Cas headspace. Hope you enjoy!

Castiel had watched the universe come into being. Stars dying, being reborn, he’d been there for all of it. Although he hadn’t been one of the most strong of Angel’s, he was one of the oldest. Obeying orders, doing what he’d been told to do, he hadn’t been one of the best at that, but he’d tried. The problem was he had this streak of curiosity that often got him in trouble.

For many years he’d wondered why God hadn’t killed him. Cas asked too many questions, had inquired about the why’s of things too many times, had driven other angels mad with his incessant badgering when they themselves couldn’t answer the multitudes of interest he had about how things worked. He’d been chastised, he’d been yelled at, and he’d been warned until he had quieted down his loud inquiries and found subtler ways of learning about what interested him. That was how Cas had lived as an angel, until he’d been assigned to watch the humans on Earth, and Cas had loved being able to be so close to them. They taught him many things about life, and about learning, and about believing in yourself.

Tending his “herb” garden behind the cabin he called home, Cas found a sense of peace that was reminiscent of the days he’d spent watching God’s creations come to life. The growth of plants was the same as the growth of universes, but not very many humans saw that similarity. Everything well tended grew up strong and fit. Earth had done the same, and Cas had loved being one of those who had gotten to watch it happen. Now he was one of the multitude, one of the little creatures that tended the Earth.

He didn’t mind his fate, not really. The world would probably end anyway, but he was far away from things, so it was possible he’d live out his life and not really notice it burning away. Lucifer would know who he was, maybe he’d personally come to kill Cas. Usually though, as Cas grew his plants, ate his food, and spent hours reading books he bought in the town down below his cabin, he thought that time would simply pass him by.

Sometimes Cas dreamed, and when he did they were vivid, colors so bright it almost burned his eyes, feelings so intense he would wake up with tears coursing down his cheeks, heart pounding in his chest from the imagery. As an angel, Cas couldn’t cry, but having become human he’d found the activity was something that he did with increasing regularity. He didn’t live “on the edge” anymore at least, there was something in that.

When Castiel the angel came to his cabin though, he wanted to send him away. He didn’t want to be reminded of the life he’d had, the being he’d been, the power he wielded. It wasn’t like he could send him away, or at least, it wasn’t like he wanted to bother doing so.

“Hello Castiel,” he said, looking up from his gardening and wiping his brow. “To what do I owe this honor?”

The angel was shifting from one foot to the other, looking disconcerted and bewildered. Cas wasn’t sure what that meant, so he sat back on his heels and waited.

“I don’t know how to talk to him,” Castiel said, frowning at Cas. “He is… obstinate, and I don’t think he likes me.”

“Of course he likes you Castiel,” Cas said, brushing his hands of dirt and standing up. “He’s had sex with you.”

“No he hasn’t, he’s had sex with you.” Castiel crossed his arms. “There is a difference between the two of us.”

“Not that much of a difference. Why don’t you come inside,” Cas offered, walking to the door and opening it. “I could get you some tea or something.”

“I don’t need to drink,” Castiel said, entering the house with a flap of wings. Cas’ back itched in remembrance of what that felt like. He had soared above the sky, flown through the atmosphere and raced stars. Cas had sat on the rings of Saturn and walked on the dusty earth of Mars, and now he was bound by gravity. It wasn’t very nice of Castiel to remind Cas of what he had lost.

“I know,” he said stiffly, closing the door once he was inside. “It is the polite thing to offer a guest though, even an unexpected one. I’m going to make myself some.” He walked into the kitchen and put the kettle over the flame in the stove, pulling out a cup for himself. “So, you think that he’s become besotted over me and won’t give you the time of day?”

“Yes,” Castiel said from the living room, and by the sound of it, he was pacing. “I believe he is more enamored with you than with me.”

“Because you don’t know how to talk to him?” Cas looked over at Castiel and remembered what it was like to be that kind of innocent. It had been kind of nice.

“Yes.” Castiel lifted his eyes and glared. “You believe I am being incorrect?”

“I believe you aren’t being clear. Have you told him you find him sexually attractive?” Cas felt that under the circumstances, it was better to be blatant and honest than shy and subtle.

“Of course I have not!” Castiel said, brows drawing together. Cas noticed how stern that made Castiel’s face and he grinned.

“You could start there,” Cas pointed out, getting a tea pot and tossing some herbs and tea leaves into it. “Go to him when he’s alone and say, “Hey Dean, I want to have sex with you.”. See what he says.”

“I can’t,” Castiel said, crossing his arms. “That is.. I just couldn’t.”

“You could. You just open your mouth and say it.” Cas pulled the kettle off the stove and poured the water into the teapot. The smell from it made him smile and he moved the kettle to a cold burner, turning off the lit one.

“I can’t.” Castiel stood still, looking right at Cas with a no nonsense look to his face. Sighing as he stared at his angel self, Cas took the pot and his cup and walked to the living room, sitting down on the couch.

“Fine, you’re incapable. Would you like me to or something?” Cas asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said instantly, and Cas almost dropped his mug on the ground.

“What?” Cas said, looking up at Castiel. “You *must* be joking.”

“No.”

Blinking at Castiel, Cas set down his pot and mug then turned fully to look at Castiel. “What if I won’t?”

“Why wouldn’t you? Isn’t this what you wanted? Me to have Dean? You could tell him and then he would understand and be with me. It makes sense to me, why does it not make sense to you?”

“You’re just shaking off all the work on me,” Cas protested.

“I am not.”

“You are too!” Cas stood up and faced down the more powerful, more dangerous, past self and shook his head. “I refuse. Try someone else.”

“No one else will do!” Castiel said, and he was suddenly in front of Cas, reaching for Cas’ shoulders, eyes wide and desperate. “You don’t understand, I’ve tried everything, and he doesn’t want me around. Now that he is back with his brother, he’s more aloof and he doesn’t seem to want to be alone with me. This is your fault, you have to fix it!”

“Castiel!” Cas said, shaking his head and trying not to remember what that kind of power had felt like. His fingers itched to throw Castiel off of his arms, his shoulder blades twitched as he shifted them slightly, the memory of wings still so very fresh, even after four years. There was no power behind the movement, no shift in air pressure or air currents, because he had no wings, no angel power, no juice. Cas really needed that tea. “Relax, it hasn’t been that long, you’ve still got time, forever, remember? Things are going to be different, it will be fine, just… you know, go, talk to him, you’ll be fine.”

“I won’t, I’m not…” he paused and a look went through his face. Cas knew that look, it was a listening look an angel got when they were listening to someone praying to them.

“Oh no,” Cas said, trying to get away from Castiel, a bit of his own panic rising in the back of his throat. “Don’t you dare!”

“He’s calling. Yes, let’s go,” Castiel said, focusing on Cas, and Cas struggled more, clawing at the skin on Castiel’s hands, biting him as well, kicking shins, doing everything he could to get away. If only he’d thought to put his gun in his pants when he’d come inside the house. Tasting blood as he felt the earth shift, he allowed a moment of awe to pass through himself as he flew again.

It had been so long! Watching the Earth move, watching the sky shift and people move beneath his feet, he breathed in and felt his spirit soar. Flying was… over too fast, and as he felt his cheeks dampening when he touched ground, he idly considered how different the blood tasted when it had angel power behind it.

Blinking when he heard the gasp, he looked over at Dean, sitting on the edge of his hotel room bed, eyes completely focused on Cas. Oh shit. This was not what Cas had wanted, and now he *really* needed that tea.

“Cas?” Dean whispered. “Future Cas?”

Just fucking great.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm going to shamelessly ask if anyone wants more of this. Please comment and let me know. <3 Thank you for reading!


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